Never Say "Goodbye!"
People say you can't avoid two things - Death, and Taxes. Well, we can't do anything about Taxes, but here at the Lazarus Corporation, we've finally got an answer to Death. Not just for the rich, either... but for everyone!
No longer do you have to pay one or two million dollars for the luxury of a Full Cyborg Replacement Body. You can now have your brain placed in the Lazarus Cyborg Body for just over $200,000.00 - a procedure covered by most major medical insurance companies. We'll even do the paperwork for you, and arrange easy and affordable financing!
The Lazarus Cyborg Body features self-repair technology that borders on miraculous; lose an eye or a limb? It rebuilds itself while you wait! Stop worrying about the little troubles of life such as suffocation, hunger*, thirst, disease, and poisons - finally, you can live on in a stronger, faster, more durable body.