It wasn’t like you set out to be a bully. It’s not your fault you’re bigger than the others, or that you stumble over your words, or that you’re just kinda naturally scary.
But it is what it is. You know your friends aren’t real friends, that they see you as a big dumb tool. But at least if you beat people up for them, they hang out with you. It’s better than being alone.
Sure, sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it hurts a lot. But you know how to fix that. Getting angry fixes everything.