Konnichiwa, all you high-and-mighties, heathens, and hopeless cases. This is Chikako, slipping a tongue in your ear and jabbing a finger in your eye. You paying attention yet? You better be, because the data simmering at your fingertips at this very moment is worth your life—and mine. I’ve spent three decades gathering it, using it to further my agendas and protect my interests. What you do with it is up to you in the end. Just don’t make this neko ni koban. If you aren’t going to honor the effort here, then throw yourself down a deep dark hole and put yourself out of my misery before the stink of your shame overwhelms us all.